Healing & Purpose After Tragedy - How RamCatholic and St. Michael Brought Jacob Out of Darkness

Glory Be Hat Company founder, Jacob Coatney, almost died the summer after his sophomore year of college and when he returned to the Colorado State University campus that Fall, RamCatholic was there to help him heal and find purpose.

Jacob tells the story below in his own words: 

In the summer after my sophomore year I was camping in the Rocky Mountains when a terrible storm woke us up in the middle of the night. At one point I was standing at the edge of a small river when I had a sudden sense that it was time to move from that spot. I moved to higher ground and tried to get to the next campsite.

Minutes later, a flash flood ripped through the canyon. The flood claimed the life of another camper, and if I had stayed in that spot I would have been in the direct path of the 10 ft high wall of water, trees, and other debris. 

When I returned to campus that Fall, I was met with some other challenges in my personal life on top of that tragedy. I ended up grasping onto a sense of purpose that actually was extremely detrimental to me, even though it seemed like a positive step forward.

I couldn’t fathom any reason for why I was still alive other than He had a plan for my life. I began to associate my worth with what God wanted me to do with the rest of my life. Did he want me to be an engineer? A missionary? A priest? I was honestly ready to do just about anything. But the fact that I didn’t get a clear answer was crushing. How could my life have any joy if I’m alive only because I have a mission to be accomplished and I can’t figure out what that mission is? Amidst the grief and frustration, I quickly spiraled into depression and destructive habits. 

At the darkest point my best friend, Callen, pulled me aside after Mass one day and said, "Hey come with me. You and I are going to sit down with Fr. Rocco and discuss how to start getting you out of this mess."

That intervention started a chain of events that brought hope and joy back into my life. I ended up helping staff RamCatholic’s retreat that Spring. The final question of the application was: "Why do you want to staff the retreat?"

I found the answer that I had needed the whole time as I wrote: “I have a love story to share, and it’s the greatest love story I’ve ever heard.” I had started to write that sentence because it sounded really good in my head, but by the time I finished it I was weeping. When I composed myself enough to ask God “is it true?” and His response was an overwhelming “yes”, the weight and pressure was lifted. And I securely latched onto the reality that I exist, will exist, and have existed fundamentally because God loves me, and He wants to be with me.

Resting in this love set everything free for me. I ended up leaving school to discern the priesthood for the Archdiocese of Denver at St John Vianney Seminary. After a fruitful and joyful discernment I left seminary and shortly after became a campus missionary with FOCUS. After serving in campus ministry for 4 years I moved to Montana with my wife and children and co-founded Glory Be Hat Co.

(Jacob as a seminarian - back row far left, and his classmates)

I’ve been able to take chances and explore what God wants me do, despite not having perfect understanding of what that is. Because I know that He loves me. And a loving father will not abandon his child. 

Through the brotherhood with my fellow Phi Kaps I found strength and camaraderie picking up our battles. With the FOCUS missionaries I received clarity and conviction through bible study and discipleship. Engaging the Sacraments that St. John XXIII parish readily offered daily was a super-conduit of grace being poured into my life. And Fr. Rocco and ministry staff at RamCatholic exemplified a life of sheer joy amidst their own struggles that really inspired the hope and desire to remain in relationship with Jesus. To not give up and turn away.

(Jacob and his fraternity brothers at the annual Phi Kappa Theta Beloved Dinner hosted to affirm the dignity of women on campus)

So even though I still didn’t understand God’s plan for my life, I held on to being faithful to prayer and attending Mass, and just showing up. Without RamCatholic and the iconic St. Michael statue at the campus parish encouraging me along, I would not have overcome that struggle to understand why I exist. 

Glory Be Hat Company gives 15% of the sales from its St. Michael Collection because we firmly believe in the life-saving mission it is carrying out at Colorado State, and we want the students it reaches to know this: They are not alone in their struggles. They are not alone in the darkness. St. Michael and RamCatholic are fighting for them.